The Linguistics of Legislation
In February, Mississippi (finally) officially ratified the 13th Amendment, recognizing the abolition of slavery about a century and a half later than the rest of the union.
Passed by the Senate in 1864 and the House of Representatives in 1865, Mississippi tried to ratify the 13th Amendment in 1995 (only 130 years late back then), but failed due to a clerical oversight. And while they’ve been getting a lot of flack for the delay — presumably because everyone assumes they’re racists — Mississippi certainly isn’t the first state to lag on validating an amendment.
Once an amendment has been passed by three-quarters of the union, it’s a law; the rest of the states don’t even need to bother with the paperwork. And plenty of states have decided they didn’t want to waste their bureaucratic time affirming trivial legislation such as the outlawing of slavery — heck, Kentucky only ratified ol’ 13 in 1976. And Connecticut, Rhode Island, Vermont and Utah still haven’t ratified the 16th Amendment, allowing Congress to levy a federal income tax, but they’re all still required to pay the taxman on April 15 anyway.
So there are some laws that pass regardless of a state’s/human’s active stance against or passive disregard for them, and then there are some laws that just stay on the books because people forget about them.
Until 2008, an obscure law officially banned sangria (and, consequently, beeritas) in Virginia because it was illegal to mix wine or beer with spirits. You can even Google “dumb laws” to find a plethora of once or currently outdated and amusing legislature from the 50 states, such as the fact that you can’t wrestle a bear in Alabama, grab a fish out of a body of water with your bare hands in Indiana (no noodling, y’all) and you can’t steal a man’s crawfish in Louisiana. At one point in time, it was even supposedly illegal for ladies to wear patent leather shoes in Cleveland, most likely because dudes would be able to see up their skirts (because ladies don’t wear pants).
At the prompting of the patent leather, we decided to look into Ohio and Northern Kentucky laws to see if there was anything else totally absurd (possibly sexist) left in writing in the Ohio Revised Code/Cincinnati Municipal Code/other codes. And while there was nothing too bizarre — logically, you can’t walk around in a mask, even a luchador one, in case you rob a bank or stab somebody — but some of the laws’ requirements and wording are hilarious, incredibly obvious and/or idiotic.
We’ve collected some of our favorites to keep you up-to-date on what you can and cannot do in areas around town. Be warned: You have to keep a lot of your bodily fluids to yourself.
—Maija Zummo
Read the full story here.
Winner — First Place: General Features, Cleveland Press Club
